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What is a sexual "question" depends on who you ask.

For example, consider the phenomenon commonly known as male "premature ejaculation". I'm talking about men who tend to orgasm quickly, sometimes with little or no physical stimulation to the penis. Although it is widely regarded as a sexual dysfunction (in fact, it is even included in DSM), it has proved that many people are fascinated by it.

A few days ago, I heard a gay man describe his greatest interest, and I was thinking about it. In his opinion, nothing is more fiery than his stabbing a partner who ejaculates rapidly and spontaneously without any penis stimulation. He was attracted by this scene, largely because he found that knowing that he made his partner so happy that his partner developed to orgasm was a kind of sexual verification.

He is not the only one who has this feeling. For example, I recently saw a post on reddit specifically for those who found that having a partner who reached orgasm quickly (mostly described as male) would lead to (rather than disappoint). Here are some things people say:

"This is a huge compliment. It won't take long for me to feel sexy."
"This is an incredible thing for me, especially because my own physical problems sometimes make me feel that I have no gender."
"How can this not be regarded as the ultimate compliment?"
"This (at least for me) is a sign that they are (irritated), they are out of control, and I feel very hot."

There is a pattern in these comments. These people interpret their partner's rapid orgasm as a sign of their sexy and strong performance, and also show that they are really happy and happy with their partner.

I don't know how many academic studies can explain how many people have observed men's rapid or spontaneous ejaculation through this lens; However, I suspect that such research does not exist, because we have been taught to think for too long, which is an inherent problem when men reach orgasm quickly.

I mean, look at the description of it in the mass media. Rapid ejaculation has been described as a sign of embarrassment and sexual immaturity and incompetence. For example, have you seen American pie, or is she not in my scope? These and other media describe the message that if men orgasm quickly, they are unlikely to please their partner.

Or think of the word "premature ejaculation" itself. "Premature" part refers to a value judgment, that is, rapid ejaculation is dysfunctional and immature. It is for this reason that sex researchers and therapists have recently begun to change the language they use in this field. For example, "premature ejaculation" is a sometimes used term, although "premature ejaculation" still means value judgment. Another term sometimes used is "rapid ejaculation", which (to me at least) sounds more descriptive and less morbid than other terms.

The significance of all this is that we need to be very careful to describe a given sexual behavior pattern or sexual response as a congenital dysfunction. When you see something like rapid ejaculation, which is regarded as sexual dysfunction by some people, but regarded as the desired result by others, you arbitrarily characterize it as a sexual "problem". If we ignore this reality and take behavior patterns as the basis for defining problems, it will cause chaos and disease to a large number of people.

To be clear, I am not saying that sexual difficulties or sexual dysfunction do not exist, but that the concept of sexual problems has subjective elements.

We'd better remember that one person's sexual difficulties are another person's sexuality.

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