聽sex machine for sale

Almost everyone has an embarrassing story about some sexual encounter that went terribly wrong - or didn't happen at all because of bad planning. I asked our office and here are some of the experiences our staff have had. They changed their names to protect the less innocent.

1. Crazy spray

"This is an experiment that this guy and I decided to do a few years ago, and it involves a crazy weird wake-up spray that supposedly helps strengthen your orgasm. But after two minutes of sex, it suddenly felt like our genitals were on fire. Literally, it was like a volcano erupting between my legs. We both screamed and ran into the shower, scrambling to get it off."

Moral of the story? Maybe try a warm or stimulating lube -- not one of those "crazy sprays." If you can't read a foreign symbol on a label and you don't know the ingredients, it's best to stay away from it.

2. The tongue incident

"I was dating a guy, and we had been on a few dates, and I had decided that I wanted to sleep with him that night. This guy was hot, so I did all the prep work - shaved, bought sexy underwear, all the work. I had a roommate at the time, but I knew she would be out at night, so I brought him back to my house after dinner. We started doing our thing. He was up there. He suddenly let out a YELP and jumped out of bed.

Apparently, my roommate forgot to lock her little Chihuahua before she left, and while we were making out, she snuck into my room. Then, while this guy was doing his thing on me, Luna (her Chihuahua) decided to help him lick near his asshole. It was so embarrassing, he left soon after and we haven't been out since. It was so awkward."

Moral of the story? If your roommate has a dog that likes the guy you bring over, close the door. Oh, and you should talk to him before any unexpected anal activity begins.

3. Where did those come from?

"It wasn't embarrassing for me, but it was still embarrassing and I'll never forget it. I met this girl at the bar, and I could tell she was a little older than me, but she was hot, so we decided to take a cab back to my house. Things were going really well, and apparently she wanted to give me a blowjob. So I relaxed and let her do her thing. I really enjoyed it, but my hand hit something wet and hard on the bed. I looked down and saw a set of teeth. All I could think of was asking "where did these things come from?" Without hesitation, she opened her mouth and gave a big smile, and that's when I remembered. I didn't call her again, but at least I could say my blowjob was toothless. Well, if you were wondering... No, I didn't stop her."

Moral of the story? I'm not sure what else he could have done differently here, but you can use this mouth-like masturbator to get a better feel than oral sex with no teeth (no yuck factor).

4. The disaster of role-playing

"I really liked a guy I dated for two weeks who said he liked weird girls. So I decided to surprise him with whipped cream foreplay. But I didn't ask him if it was okay first. I blindfolded him and sprayed whipped cream on his genitals and nipples. Before I could lick it, he screamed, "Is that whipped cream?" "It turned out he was allergic and soon broke out in hives." I was embarrassed, and I think if I still had his number today, I would probably call him right now and apologize to him again."

Moral of the story? Ask if he likes it (or is allergic to it) before you try it. If he's allergic to whipped cream, try these sexy, sweet lube oils.

6. Sticky tumors

"My girlfriend and I were on holiday with a few friends and we decided to have sex in the shower of our holiday home. She started mixing my salad in the shower, which was great, but she felt weird afterwards. I was outside in the shower and I felt something hard sticking out of my rectum. I pulled on it, but it wouldn't move. Terrified, I screamed, "Baby!" Our friend ran to the bathroom door to make sure we were okay, and all I could say was that I thought I'd found a tumor in my penis hole. It turned out that my girlfriend had been chewing gum on the way down and it had somehow got stuck in the hole. It took me an hour to get it out of my hair."

Moral of the story? Spit out your gum before you do any oral activities, especially in areas that have hair and are likely to grow hair. Or, try a prostate massager and some lubricant. You can keep chewing.