machine sex

"I feel sick, but I'm also satisfied."

I just heard it on an NPR podcast. It had nothing to do with sex at all, but it really got me thinking, because I've heard this kind of thing said about sex on several occasions. Specifically, they fantasize about or practice a sexual act that is sure to elicit disgust, but also turn them on.

To many, this may sound contradictory. After all, disgust is an emotion that normally makes us avoid certain things, right? So why does disgust sometimes have the opposite effect, making us attracted rather than repelled?

My brain came up with a lot of places while thinking about it -- so many, in fact, that I turned off the podcast and started writing this!

First, we've known for a long time that there's a connection between sexual excitement and disgust. Specifically, sexual arousal can reduce disgust, but disgust can also reduce sexual arousal.

For example, I've previously blogged that our disgust response tends to go down when we're sexually aroused (see here and here). In other words, things we normally find disgusting become less so when we're already excited. This makes sense, because sex itself can be a little messy when we exchange bodily fluids, so maybe it's an adaptation that makes us less likely to be triggered by disgust during sex.

But at the same time, if you're already disgusted with something, it's hard to have sex. Evolutionary psychologists think it's about avoiding pathogens: specifically, if the aversive response is triggered, it should cause us to avoid sex in order to protect our health and fertility (for example, from potentially sexually transmitted diseases).

While interesting, none of these studies really tell us why disgust itself sometimes acts as a stimulus. What's going on here? I can think of at least three possible explanations.



As I mentioned above, we know that there is a certain decrease in disgust when we are aroused, but it quickly returns after we reach orgasm. I mean, that's part of the reason people turn off porn soon after they've had an orgasm. They began to feel sick at what they saw.

So it could be that if your disgust comes back soon enough and you're still experiencing an orgasm, then some people will start to understand the connection between disgust and sexual pleasure.

You can think of it as conditioning: if disgust itself is repeatedly matched with something pleasant and positive, it might become a reward.

It may have more to do with the appeal of the taboo than anything else.

Another possible explanation is that disgusting things are often taboo. We've all been told not to do disgusting things. But when you tell people not to do something, sometimes it makes them want to do it more.

It's a basic tenet of human sexuality, known as the "love equation" : Attraction + obstacle = excitement. So, if you want to do something disgusting, being told not to will increase your interest.

I have found in my own research that taboos are one of the most popular themes in our sexual fantasies. So maybe it's not about the fact that something is gross; On the contrary, it can be taboo.

Sexual taboos may also be particularly attractive to those with a high tendency to seek pleasure. They need more powerful stimuli to be aroused in the first place. For them, doing something taboo adds to the excitement.

That may be the attraction of power.

It's also possible that doing something disgusting -- or being forced to do something disgusting by a partner -- can be a form of submission, abuse and/or humiliation.

Think of it this way: doing a disgusting thing will cause some pain. But if you're turned on by pain, doing something disgusting can itself be sexually arousing.

So through this lens, disgusting sex can sometimes be a vehicle for BDSM or game of Thrones fantasies or desires.

Take-out food

These are just my thoughts, so there may be other explanations that I haven't thought of. There's also the potential for more than one explanation, that disgust can be sexually aroused in different people for different reasons.

Like I always say, human sexuality is complicated! Further complicating matters is that, overall, everyone's level of disgust is different. For some people, aversions are easily triggered in different situations (they have what we call high-trait aversions); For others, the threshold for disgust is much higher.
In other words, I'd like to hear what you think about it. Have you ever been aroused by something you found disgusting? What happened to that thing that makes you sick? Feel free to share your thoughts below!

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