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Many people seem to believe in love at first sight. For example, in studies of people in love, as many as a third reported falling in love with their partner the first time they met.
So, what would you do if you were on a first date with a stranger and they said they were already in love with you? Do you think this is the end of love or the beginning of love?
We asked this question in a recent survey of representative Americans conducted by the Kinsey Institute and Lovehoney. This is the CENSUS Bureau's balanced survey of 2,000 American adults aged 18-45, taking into account age, race/ethnicity, gender, household income and geographic region. In addition to the primary sample, we surveyed an additional 200 LGBTQ+ adults to ensure gender and gender diversity were representative, resulting in a total sample of 2,200 Americans.
When we ask people, if someone said "I love you" on the first date, if they think that this is "break up reason", the opinions of the participants is divided: 46% of people said it was "break up reason" (that is, they will cancel the appointment immediately), while 54% did not (that is, they will at least open to the development of things).
However, the results depended on people's gender and sexual orientation:
In fact, women (55 percent) are more likely than men (37 percent) to say "I love you" on a first date. Those with a non-binary gender identity fall somewhere in between (43 percent).
LGBTQ+ people (53 percent) are also more likely than straight or straight people (44 percent) to think it's a bad thing.
When the data were further analyzed, comparing LGBTQ+ men and women to straight men and women, LGBTQ+ people were more likely than straight people to see this as a failure factor.
Given all the social stereotypes, these findings are interesting. For example, the common stereotype of lesbians is "u-haul on a first date," and that of heterosexual men is "commitment-phobic." Contrary to these stereotypes, however, women with minority sexual orientations were the most likely to think someone saying "I love you" on a first date was a red flag, while heterosexual men were the least likely.
In addition to gender and sexual orientation, age also matters. For example, younger people are more likely than older people to cite this as a reason for breaking up. To be specific:
Among 18- to 24-year-olds, 53% said it was a big problem.
Among 25- to 34-year-olds, 48% said it was a problem.
Among 35- to 45-year-olds, 39 percent said it was a problem.
In other words, the older you are, the less likely you are to flag someone who says "I love you" on a first date. This could be because, as we get older, we may become more aware that time is limited and, as a result, we may be more open to pursuing potential opportunities for love.
However, when you look at gender and age together, an interesting pattern emerges. Specifically, the figures for men were fairly consistent across age groups. In other words, men's sense of failure doesn't seem to change much as they get older.
For women, by contrast, this is what we're seeing: as women get older, they're less willing to see this as a reason to break up. Across all age groups we surveyed, women were more likely than men to hear "I love you" as a red flag on a first date, but the size of the gender difference declined significantly with age.
In other words, young women were the most critical and seemed the least willing to rush into a long-term relationship.
There is also a racial/ethnic divide, with whites and Latinos most likely to see it as a problem and Asians least likely (and African-americans somewhere in between).
All of which tells us that while the concept of "love at first sight" is popular, it seems that confessing your feelings on the first date can be intimidating for many. However, some people (especially young women) seem to resent it more than others.
So, if you find yourself having strong feelings for someone on a first date, that's great, but be careful and tell them as soon as you start.
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